I shouldn’t be posting right now. I should be working. I just can’t concentrate on anything. I am a ball of nerves and my mind is a knot of sparking electrical wires.
Those of you who have not had to deal with US Consulates and visas may not understand this feeling. The DH has applied for a non-immigrant visa to the US and may or may not receive it. This uncertainty is killing me. What is also killing me is the fact that I completely forgot about the Thanksgiving holiday, meaning the Embassy will close tomorrow and Friday and if he doesn’t get the visa today, well, that would be bad. Bad. Bad. Bad.
I haven’t had really good experiences at US Embassies. I can’t elaborate right now, because I am working on willfully sending positive vibes into the general direction of the US Embassy in Beijing. I was just at the brand new location on Monday. It is big and new and, as expected, imposing and formidable from the outside. It’s not so much the building that is imposing, but the lack of any kind of landscaping. It’s not finished, that is obvious, but the effect of scraggly weeds and dirt is kind of cold war border zone. I was struck by this as I walked on a well-worn dirt path through the weeds that makes a shortcut around one corner. There is a window there in the wall where you can see into the courtyard in front of the tall office tower. Through the window an expanse of water and a kind of ridiculous colorful flower statue are visible, all very modern and complete. This jars with the unkempt, undeveloped scene surrounding me outside the Embassy walls.
The imposing feeling did not jar, however, with my actual experience attempting to get information. I was not welcome at the Embassy at that hour or day. I have the wrong ID. Never forget that the US Embassy is not there for you, US citizen, unless you need some new pages in your passport or notarial services. I know this. I’ve lived abroad long enough. Still, I couldn’t help but feel fairly unwanted and helpless against all that steel and concrete.
I will know soon enough, and then the grieving or the celebration can commence. In the meantime, will pacing the office help?
